Monday, March 3, 2014
Page eight.
Hi,
My name is Caroleen.
I'll be 20 this May.
And I'm a virgin.
She's just some narrow-minded Christian . . .
Just another Christian stuck in their ways . . .
Get with the times, this isn't the 1920's . . .
Growing up in a Christian home, church, and a Christian school, I simply assumed everyone was just like me. All the girls in matching plaid skirts around me claimed to have the same views that I had.
In middle school we all expressed our desires for our first relationships to be the men we married, to wait a long time before we started to date anyone, to remain pure in every aspect, and to wait a couple months into a relationship before we even kiss for the first time.
Back then, those seemed to be very easy, appropriate goals. I can still remember the feelings I had when saying them: carefree and sure.
Can we just say . . . that must have been before I hit puberty.
For those of you who are Christians along with me, you probably had similar goals at one point. Maybe it was because we were told that those were right, but I will guarantee that all of us in matching plaid skirts really did hope (at some point in our lives) to achieve those goals and stay behind that line. I know I sure did.
So let's fast forward a bit. It was close to the end of my senior year in high school that reality hit me. Going to a Christian school you live in this sort of "bubble," where everyone around you seems to be perfect, just like you. The heathens at public school seemed to be far off from our level of "holiness" (obviously this is way more dramatic than our actual thoughts . . . but in retrospect, they are not far off. Side note- I apologize to those that we Christians tend to judge so effortlessly). To this point in my life, I had kept to my standards of purity. And I would back up any of my friends without a shadow of a doubt, that they had to.
And then I was wrong.
Looking back, it came rather quickly. One confided in me their sexual promiscuity, then another, and another, and another . . .
I chose to be the greatest comfort I could to them because obviously that's why they came to me. And I truly was grateful for them trusting me with such a personal issue.
But I found every time I heard of another dear friend of mine walking past a line that we had so clearly drawn years before, I went through a stage of physical hurt for them. I would walk around for days down in the dumps for I began to carry the pain that each of them were probably carrying.
And here's why: I felt for them. I never felt judgement towards them because I have been through the valley's of temptation that they went through too. In fact, who can say that they haven't?
I still remember the first friend who told me with sad eyes what had happened. She said things just got too heated and told me where it all started. Watching her eyes and hearing her story I realize that we don't just stand ten feet away from crossing the line of "going all the way" and then happen to jump over it. We slowly, take steps towards it and don't even realize as we cross right through it.
I can say this, because as I've said, I've dealt with this temptation too. And, I have not always been so faithful as to say I've continuously stayed "ten feet away." At some points I've been nine, others eight, and then I've been very cautious as to be about twelve. I deal with it too.
So is doing "anything but" okay?
1 Corinthians 6:18 "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body."
Colossians 3:1 "If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God."
Philippains 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
I do believe with all my heart that getting as "close to the line" as possible without crossing it, is wrong too. I say this because whenever we begin to make allowances for a person to become intimate with us, we have already become emotionally attached to them. It already has developed into idolatry. I say that because being willing to put satisfaction for our flesh (sin) before God's commands, is favoring the act instead of favoring God's will.
I may be crazy (and yes I've failed at times), but I will be so bold to say that anything causing sexual arousal of any kind (before marriage), is wrong.
Don't get me wrong, being attracted to someone isn't wrong at all! That's normal! But I feel that it is important to keep dating for what it is- getting to know someone for who they are, because one day you hope to marry them. It isn't about getting all of your emotional strings attached so you feel like you can never lose them.
But it's hard.
I've heard this so many times when doing my best to help a dear friend out with this struggle, "But Carole, you don't get it. It's really hard to withstand when you're in the heat of the moment."
. . .
Normally after I push through my first reaction to announce their ignorance of the fact that I am a human too who has to have a smokin' hot boyfriend . . . I will typically respond with . . .
"I know. It's so hard! We all desire love and attention as much as the next person does, but God gives all we need. He has saved those special things for us to treasure in marriage. That doesn't mean our dating life has to be miserable or boring! It can be blissful if we both are desiring God's highest and growing closer to Him as we grow closer to each other."
I'll say it again, I'm not perfect. If you glanced over my track record, some of you may call me a hypocrite. But I feel as though I have learned from my mistakes. I pray for the strength to continue towards God's highest in my dating life. And if I fail Him again, I'll pray for His strength again because "He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name." Psalm 23:3
Will I ever get over this guilt?
Congratulations, dear friend, because if you have asked yourself the question above, that means you care. I feel much more pity for those who jump back and forth over the line and feel no guilt at all then I do for those of you praying for mercy and feeling the guilt that sin so often brings.
I understand what you must be feeling. All the sudden, love becomes a feeling of "I'm stuck here," or "This must be what love feels like." I'm heartbroken for those feeding themselves those lies. Love is someone who respects you, cherishes you, and desires the best for you (as God does)! Love will never force you to do something that's uncomfortable to you or imply "If you love me, you will . . ." NEVER FEEL STUCK! You can always get out of an unhealthy relationship. And let me be very honest, if you desire to remain pure from this point forward, and your significant other doesn't, you have to let them go. And I am so very sorry for the pain that that will add on, but it will reap only good things in the long run. But I am so proud of you for wanting to change your life! Prepare to feel a weight lifted high up off your shoulders, for Jesus removes the heaviest of burdens.
I do have to warn you though, now is the hardest part. Making the decision to turn away from sin is way way harder than withholding it in the first place. Lean on Jesus! And trust His strength, His highest, and know that He has your best in mind. Guard your heart and your mind! For they will fail you, but Jesus won't. Take every thought captive! For you can only believe the lies of Satan if you choose to (on that note, we can only believe the promises of God if we choose to. Interesting thought).
Over all, I will tell you something. Being a virgin is one of the most rewarding things that I have. I'm not ashamed when people ask, I'm proud. NOT because what I have done, but what Jesus has done in me. So for those of you still holding on, keep holding! I strongly believe your reward will come.
And for those of you who have failed in this delicate area, take heart. The Lord forgives all who ask in sincerity. But He also commands to turn from our sin and sin no more.
"And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” John 8:11
I will pray for you dear one. This is the hardest part, but it is where you must show the most strength. You can do it!
Here's my wonderful man. I don't mean to make any of you jealous, but I just wanted to brag about him a little. I'm so thankful that God has sent me a guy that stands for the same values I do. Here we stand, both virgins and pressing towards God. Pray for us, that we will stay pure until marriage because we both understand that the struggle is very real. We are praying for you as well! Feel free to email either of us (please specify who the email is directed to...Josh or myself) and we will be glad to help as much as we can.
Thank you for reading! Would love to hear your comments :)
Ta-ta lovelies,
CaroleenMarie
Email: theycallmecaroleen@yahoo.com
Instagram: instagram.com/theycallmecaroleen
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